That sounded in my head like Mambo No. 5. No, seriously, that part where he says “A little bit of Monica in my life” … try it, I did.
So, I’ve been busy the last few days. I managed to get a post out, but I’m behind on the blogging fundamentals. I meant to post sometime earlier in the week all about my kitchen adventure of making flat bread – which turned out pretty good actually. I’ve meant to fold and put away laundry – then reminded myself I was lucky that it was even done and not strewn around the floor yet. I think I’ve washed every dish in this place at least three times and cleared off my kitchen table at least twice. And moved the chair over that syrup spot, which is still sticky. Don’t ask.
This morning, I was sitting in my recliner in my bedroom, staring at the dresser which currently has all but two drawers open and clothes spilling out like someone’s lit a bomb beneath them and I was thinking as I was working about things that I’ve heard, that I’ve been told and trying to remember what all I’d done this past week, because it really doesn’t seem as if I’ve gotten anything done at all.
About a month ago, I was talking to a guy on KiK. Everything seemed to be going well and he seemed to be interested and I was interested in him. He gave me tasks to do – which, admittedly, I was having trouble with his deadlines. I have trouble with deadlines, anyone who knows me knows this (which is really odd, because my job is all about deadlines).
We had a discussion about consistency. I’m not. I know this. I know I need to get better about it. I’m trying – okay, not very hard right now, but I’m giving it thought anyway. That’s improvement. He said he didn’t deal well with people who weren’t consistent. I told him that I did better when I followed someone who was more consistent than I am. The comment was more about me than him – though, he didn’t see it that way.
Wednesday, Daddy A came out to see me. He said that since I’ve left my ex, I’ve been happier and started working toward being happy on my own. It got me to thinking about some things – in my recent past and not so recent past.
So, this morning, I’m sitting in my chair, thinking about my life and what the hell I’ve done with my week (Yes, I know, full circle, bear with me.). I thought about my consistency issues and why I’m not consistent. I thought about my energy level and it being low. I thought about the people around me that live in this building.
And I thought – I haven’t cleaned my house, because I’ve had people over. I have trouble meeting deadlines, because instead of saying no to running errands with a friend on the spur of the moment, I hop in the car with giddy abandon. I thought about the fact that my friend and neighbor, K, spent her entire day yesterday on my couch, sleeping, with her newborn in his car seat sleeping, while I went out and about and did things. She showed up at 9 am, knocking on my door and rousing me from sleep. She made herself coffee and I put on Empire so she could finish the season.
Meanwhile, my friend J, was in and out during the day with her kids, who immediately latched on to my kids. They’re young kids, so they like to follow mine around. She gave me a ride so I could do an errand I needed to do. It was spur of the moment. Late last night, early this morning (It was probably about midnightish), she came over to grab me so I could go over and see her “new to her” couch that she’d gotten. I sat over there for a bit, watching TV and feeling totally unmotivated to come back and do my job. Granted, J lives across the hall from me, so it’s not that far to grab me.
My friend B asked me to go over to her place last night. I had to say no, sadly. But if I didn’t have work, I would have picked up and gone. Instead, we made plans to do the water park on Saturday with the kids. We may even do some drinking when we get back. Maybe not. It doesn’t matter – it’s always a good time when we’re together.
And I realized that while my life may be chaotic and stressful – and it may get even more so in the near future, I like my life. I mean, I -really- like it. I am happy. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. And while it still feels like I’m standing in place while everyone else moves around me sometimes, I wouldn’t trade it for anything right now. I’m getting things done – at my pace, in my way. I’m …. breathing.
This is the kind of woman I aspire to be. I like being busy, on the move and half a step behind. Okay, maybe I’d like to be ahead sometimes too. The point is, I like my chaos. I like that my friends drop by, open my door and bustle their way inside to use my coffee maker and my coffee mugs. I like the fact that I have my neighbor’s coffee cup and she has mine. I don’t mind that she has one of my plates because I sent my daughter down with a slice of cake on it. I don’t mind when everyone gathers in my kitchen for a big meal and some laughter. I just need a bigger kitchen! I don’t even mind that my house is a little messy, because I know that I’ll get to it – eventually.
Before I started this post, I sat down with my bullet journal to note some things – primarily tracking work related things, but I had a couple things to note in my “to do” list or things going on in my day. Until then, my box for Friday and Saturday were empty. I took a picture after I’d filled in today’s box and then again after I filled in Saturday’s box. I smiled. I thought – “I’ve had something every single day.”
Friday done with tasks. Friday is all the way to the right. I may change it up next time and start with Monday instead of Sunday. That’s starting to confuse me now that I’ve added the weekends together. Mental note to self.
Yay!! Saturday is filled out with WATER PARK!! Woot, woot!! I can’t wait. Anyway, all my boxes are filled!! And in between all those things, I had people in and out and went out and about.
Oh, and this morning, I had coffee in the new coffee cup Daddy A doesn’t know he bought me yet *ahem* Uh, thank you!
Because when I walked by, I swear it called my name and I couldn’t help but stop and pick it up and lovingly caress it until I got it to the checkout stand and paid for it. It’s soooo pretty. Sparkly…and bright!! I did warn you… SQUIRREL! But, it fit and it made me smile and it was cheap. So the extra money that Daddy A so kindly gave me went to that, some of it.
The long and short of this post is that I like my chaotic, impulsive, oh-shit-it’s-a-shiny-syndrome life.
*Meanders off singing Mambo No. 5* Little bit of chaos in my life….